Diary Ritual

(this post not sponsored by moleskine)

This Monday, I got to indulge in one of my favorite small rituals of my life.

I always have my diary with me, as in rarely leave the house without it. I’m picky about what type of diary, too. I will only use Moleskines. I know this is pretentious and picky, but sometimes I am pretentious and picky.

There is not a Moleskine store in Vietnam, though the plain ones are infrequently available at art supply stores. The problem is that I like the pretty ones. My last one was pink and had silver flowers that shined on the front. The two before that were Wizard of Oz-themed.

This lack of access to pretty diaries is a spot of minor stress in my life. A ridiculous one. If I went back to the US more frequently, I would definitely go to TJ Maxx (I am a true maxxinista), where they are easily found discounted to $5. But I haven’t been back to the US since January 2021, and it seems unlikely I’ll go back in the immediate future.

These diaries typically take me about 6-7 months to fill. If I’m traveling somewhere and it looks like there’s even the slightest potential of running out of space, I bring both the current and future Moleskine with me. Just in case.

Around month 5, when I can feel the end is near, I begin to stress. Where will I get my next Moleskine from? What will it look like? Will it arrive before my current one runs out? If it doesn’t, where will I put all my random thoughts? How will I process everything in my life without it? (have I mentioned there’s a certain neurosis to my inner monologue?)

I have to wait until month 5 to buy because the next Moleskine has to match my current mood, my vibe. Buying too far in advance feels risky. I don’t know what I’ll want to write in or carry around for the next few months. These diaries are basically accessories, so I’m willing to spend a lot on them. My last one I got imported from Hong Kong for $50 (I could get 10 at TJ Maxx for that price!!!). It was worth it.

In December, my Moleskine, the pretty pink one, was starting to run low, and I was starting to stress. But fortunately, I was going to Singapore. Singapore! Land of shopping malls. I wrote about that trip and all my complicated thoughts on it here.

Singapore (Dec 22 - Dec 30)

I already knew exactly what one I wanted. For Lunar New Year, Moleskine makes a line of journals with the animal of the year, in this case Rabbit (sadly, they didn’t follow Vietnam and do Year of the Cat). I went to Kinokuniya..and..they had it! They had Year of the Rabbit ones!

I bought two. One gives very Mid-Autumn Festival vibes, so I’m saving that one for the second half of the year (I already love it, so I know I’ll want to write in it). The other one, the one I write in now, is pink with a crazy paint design.

I have this small ritual around starting these new diaries, in how they must (and I do mean must) begin. It involves going to a bar, drinking a nice beer, and writing.

On Monday night, I went to this beautiful cafe/bar. It’s almost always empty, and it has these portholes looking out onto the street. There's so much to watch.

They have a massive record collection. It costs 60k VND per side of a record, and I'm normally too stingy to play one. This Monday, though, I indulged.

I was alone, as I often am when I go there. I wanted something disco. I saw Diana Ross's album The Boss and paid to have it played.

Solitude. An album I love. There's nothing better.

I used my nails, painted pink for Valentine’s day, to rip into the plastic encasing the diary. I opened it up, feeling the satisfying stiffness of the untouched spine. I sipped beer. I listened to the music. I wrote my name, phone number, and email in the front. I wrote a reward, too, for how much I would pay if the diary got lost and someone returned it to me.

I wrote about what I was seeing. The dog on the street. The Ngũ Hành Miếu, well-lit from above. I wrote about what I was feeling. I wrote about what I was listening to. I also spent a lot of time just enjoying being alone in a well-lit bar looking out a window.

I forgot how the titular track on the Diana Ross album helped me get through some rough patches that I worked out in my now retired diary. For me, the song is all about thinking you know how love and life work, when in reality you don’t, and you’re still learning. It’s a great song. There’s a horn section!

This diary change is basically a bi-annual ritual, and I really relish it. It’s symbolic of new beginning, even though it oftentimes happens at seemingly inconsequential parts of the year. When “The Boss” came on, it felt perfect, like the song was guiding me through one era to another.

The last song of the album has this part at the end where the strings build and Ross sings over them, “I’m in the world/Oh, yes, oh, yes/I’m in the world/Good or bad/I’m here in the world.”

I don’t know if it was the beer or the soft lighting or being alone except for the two servers, but I felt like I really got what that meant in the moment. It’s how I’ve been feeling these days. Good or bad, I’m here! I’m living my life. I’m doing the things I want to be doing (mostly).

I wrote down those lyrics in my new diary. I got up, paid, and walked home, feeling really peaceful and slightly tipsy. It wasn’t even 8:00pm, yet, the night was already perfect.